Swallowed by Sadness - I Say Goodbye to a Friend

A perfect day.

Just when I thought I was in the clear for 2011, I received the worst news I could imagine. A very good friend of mine was killed in an avalanche on Thursday afternoon. I can not express the sorrow that fills my whole body right now. I feel so fortunate to have my amazing friends who've helped keep my head up this week.

Duncan was someone that held a very special place in my heart. He wasn't just another biker or skier. He wasn't just another friend. He was someone who went out of his way to make people feel special. He labored tirelessly to protect people he'd never met as a ski patroller at Whistler the last 11 years. He taught thousands of people in mountain bike camps over the last few years. That's where he came into my life.

I was in Whistler alone one weekend for a bike camp. It was pissing rain the entire time and he and I were paired up in a small group. We had a ridiculous time together cracking jokes and splashing around in the muddy puddles. Knowing I was there alone he offered to keep me company after our classes were done. We grabbed a bite and hung out in the village people watching. The very next day we did the exact same thing. It was easy to stay close friend with Duncan because I was in Whistler most weekends during the summer.

Having a good local friend was awesome. He introduced me to so many people that helped me navigate my way through that world that I love so much. He often offered up his spare room at his house for Scott and I to stay for long weekends. It was nice having a sort of home base. We'd cook dinners and read ski magazines. During the winters I'd awake to the smell of bacon. I'd crawl down the stairs at 5am to find Duncan humming happily in his kitchen making massive bacon egg breakfast sandwiches and packing his lunch for patrol that day. He always looked surprised to see me that early. I always made him give me a piece of bacon.

Duncan became friends with a lot of my biking crew over the months. We'd all get together for meals, drinks, hot tubbing, and laps in the bike park. It was the happiest few months of my life and the only thing different was that Duncan was there. He made everything more fun. Always full of stories and jokes, there was never a dull moment.

I have two memories that I would call my favorites with Duncan. In September 2010 he took Scott, my friend Oona and I on a secret mission. Since he worked for the mountain he had keys to the locked gates for bike and ski patrol. We piled in his truck with blankets and loads of sushi and wine and drove the half an hour journey up to the very peak of Whistler mountain. It was just before sunset. The sky was radiant and had this electric orange hue to it. Whistler has always been my favorite place, but seeing it like this, with no snow, from the top of the world at sunset took my breath away. We watched the sun melt behind the rest of the mountains and the sky slowly evolved to blue, purple and a deep black. The only lights visible were those of the twinkling village one vertical mile below and the billions of pulsating stars above us. We ate our dinner quickly and took some silly photos while there was still a hint of light.

As night crept in we all laid down in the back of Duncan's truck to stare at the sky. We were directly under the Milky Way and counted dozens of shooting stars and satellites cruising about their orbits. None of us spoke for a long time. It was just a special, incredible time we lay there in silence appreciating the sheer beauty that the mountains brought. To this day that is one of the best memories of my life. I felt special being there. I felt like the world was letting me see into its mind and soul. I felt like I belonged.

My other favorite memory was on a hot sunny day in in the village. My bike had broken and we'd taken it to a shop to get fixed. We had about 2 hours to wait. I told Duncan to go ride without me but he said he'd rather just hang out. We went to Starbucks and ordered big drinks. We found a big bench in the shade, tucked away off the beaten path, but with a view of everyone streaming through the village. We sat and watched. We didn't say anything for a long while. We sipped our drinks and let the mountain breeze cool off our hot faces as people of all shapes, sizes and colors wandered aimlessly through the village stroll. "I like this. It's nice," he said without looking at me. I didn't say anything back. I just smiled and nodded. "It's very comfortable - everything about it," he said. This time he looked at me and I nodded in agreement. "Yeah. It is. I wish I could do this every day," I said. He nodded and continued to stare out at the shuffling people.

I don't know why, but that short time just stuck in my head as something very pleasant and easy. We didn't really say much else the whole time. We just continued to watch until time was up. Words weren't necessary. It was the entire experience of riding the park, being in a magical place, perfect weather, and good company. Duncan was good company. I'll never forget  that about him.

I could go on and on with this post, but I'm just going to get sad. I wrote a tribute to him on another web site that is worth reading, if you're interested in this situation. You can find it here.

Sigh. Duncan, you made your way into my heart and then you left so suddenly. It just hurts so bad. I know you're out there, watching all of us cry over this and probably feeling bad about it. Don't. Just know how loved you were. Your girlfriend, your family, your friends, and the massive bike and ski communities are somber and reflective and remembering all of the amazing times you gave them. I'll never forget you. I'll never forget that smile. Thank you for making my world better.