Heavy

Shit is heavy right now. I'm sprinting towards my finish line of September 30th - when I take off for Peru. But until then I'm just trying to sort out one drama from the next. This is so weird. I've never been a person to invite bullshit into my life, but now I feel like it's all I have. Every day I wake up to ridiculous amounts of stress. The two things keeping me going are my bike and thought that I get to get the hell out of my life for 10 days very soon. That's pretty messed up, right? Shouldn't I have all of these great things to appreciate in life?

Uggg. I'm having a hard time keeping things in perspective, and that's a huge disappointment for me. I've always been good at looking at A and B and figuring out how they work and why they work and how to make them live in harmony. I'm just not there right now. I find myself dreading real life and instead want to escape to whatever fantasy world I've created, whether it's on my bike, at my desk, or in my head.

I took on a big responsibility recently and it's just turned into nothing but a pure nightmare. Where I thought I could help, I've failed. Where I provided a part of my life and privacy, I've received nothing but defiance and beligerence in return. It's hurtful, even though I know that it's probably not intended. It's merely a byproduct of something much bigger and badder, and apparently uncontrollable.

I'm lucky to have an amazing support network. My friends, Scott, and my little puppy Roscoe are amazingly patient. I'm lucky.